07/04/16

Its been a few days since my last post, and although I feel I should post everyday, I know that’s not going to happen, especially as I’m back at college and coursework is going to be slung in my face in every lecture I attend. So you’re just going to have to put up with the random blog posts and no real structure, maybe. I also don’t know where to limit myself on what I write on here just yet, I mean I have written a bit of personal information but I feel as if, if I don’t write half interesting things then no one will carry on reading it.

So I went to this party, which was on Tuesday evening, and it was SO weird. I loved it, but it was weird. When I first got there it was a little awkward, but as the drinks started flowing and someone got the selfie stick out, it felt like it was back to old times, except everyone was being mature and drinking wine. I was quite proud of myself, I got through 2 bottles of rosé and hardly felt drunk, I may have been very tipsy though. I now understand what people mean when they say they get emotional when they drink wine. I’m pretty sure I shared my life story with half of the people there, God knows if they were listening or not.

I also went on a third date last night, and I’m not too sure about it. Yes, I was a little hungover and extremely tired last night so I admit I was a bit off with the guy I was with, I feel like such a moron. I most probably should have put myself in a better, non-sleep deprived state before going out. We ended up just going out for a meal at a local pub to me, I had scampi and sweet potato fries, which were, I must say, delicious.

As I’m lambing at the moment, about 60 ewes, everyone in my family is a little stressed, never has enough sleep, but still can be seen in such a happy mood. This inspires me. After everything that happened this time last month, which resulted in me always being not very happy, frequently emotional and often getting angry or stressed about little things. I took a lot in me to start noticing the good in life, and to actually walk out the door with a smile on my face. I was going to college without doing my hair, no make up and hardly any effort in my selection of outfits. Which probably put everyone off talking to me for about a month.

That reminds me of a saying that my mum told me a while ago, “Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.” I just googled it and apparently its from a Stanley Gordon West. But it’s so true. People want to surround themselves with happy, positive people, and if you see someone crying, then yes, you will probably be there for them but you don’t really want that negative energy around, it puts people off, and no one will get far if they aren’t standing tall and have a smile on their face. That’s what really makes me try and not get myself down. If I’m thinking about mistakes, regrets and other people that just send me in to a whirlpool of sadness, I will inevitably begin to fall deep in to that black hole that everyone doesn’t want to fall in to.

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