It’s 1am and I can’t sleep at all. I have to be up for work in T minus 4hours. What is my brain playing at?
I despise the feeling of tiredness, the need to sleep and rejuvenate, and yet your body seems completely set in its ways in making you unable to switch off from the world and close your eyes. It’s been happening quite often to me, I want to sleep yet all I can do is think and think and over think. Think about nothing, and absolutely everything at the same time.
I want to sleep, body. I want to sleep.
I’ve come to terms with the fact I’m probably not going to get my coursework in this weekend. I’ve done two out of the four bits that are due. That’s a good effort right? I just don’t know. That’s a weird thing to think, and I think, and say it a lot. I guess that could tell you something about me.
I don’t know. It has to be my favourite phrase. Do you want to sleep? I don’t know. I don’t know. I do not know.
I don’t even feel like there is anything on my mind, nothing that I want to talk about. Half the time I’m unsure of what I am actually thinking about. A lot is taken up by coursework deadlines, friends, family, exes, and what the hell im going to do with my life.
I guess you could say that I really don’t know.
I’m angry, infuriated and so glad to be alive, although not exactly appreciating the life I’ve been handed with. Not right now. Everything could be so different, strange to think, but if you had just changed one little thing then everything in the future could be different. It’s such a strange concept how no one knows what is really around the corner, the feelings, events and regrets are always a mystery.