I’ve just looked at my blog and realised I haven’t added a blog post in the ‘good days’ category since the start of the month.. oops. I’m going to make sure that this blog post is in the good days section.
Last night, however was a bad night, I was in one of those moods where I couldn’t stop myself from crying, I was having constant panic attacks for about an hour and after calming myself down, I finally got to sleep and woke up in such a better mood. I’m actually really proud of myself that I hardly relied on anyone, and I over came my panic attack by myself.
The cause of it? I’m not too sure. I think every thing had been building up, seeing everyone in my life happy and living their lives to the fullest, it made me realise that I shouldn’t be hung up and feeling rubbish about life and evidently it made me angry. I guess it’s still me getting over my ex, its been like 3 months now and I still feel things I shouldn’t feel, that also makes me angry because I don’t want to feel anything, I don’t need that in my life right now, I want to move on and be a happier person.
So I think I need to, from now on, not let things bug me, not get jealous over things that have nothing to do with me and just not let my feelings get to me as much. To focus on my happiness, be motivated and just live my life to the fullest like everyone else does. I have about 3 more bits of coursework to hand in, then I’m officially free from college and able to get on with finding a job, or whatever else.
Speaking of which, I have a trial day for new job that I had applied for today. I’m nervous but trying not to think about it, because I know that if I do think about it I will just worry and eventually make complete fool out of myself when I get there. So with positive thinking and not thinking about it at all, I think I’m going to be fine, hopefully. I’m trying to keep myself really busy this week, with college and work overtime and also getting my last assignments done and finished. I think that the end of college this year will be really sad for me, leaving so many people behind and probably losing a lot of friends just because no one will communicate, and everyone will be so caught up in new jobs and starting their lives outside of education, or getting ready to go back and start a new life at university. I know I’m definitely not the kind of person that wants to go to university, I just want to go straight in to work and keep myself busy without having outstanding assignments and the worry of getting coursework in on time.
Then, hopefully save enough money and travel for a few months, that would ultimately be ideal. I want to go away, probably by myself and just have that time that I think I need, away from everyone and everything, time to get my head straight and in the right place. before I think of doing anything with my life, I at least need that hah.