14/06/16

It is so mind-boggling that life can change so quickly, that one day you could be feeling like the world is grey and dull, like no one is on your team and as if the world is about to come crashing down. Then the next day you feel warm and full on enthusiasm and joyousness. It totally and utterly glorious, and possibly the greatest amounts of feeling that any one person could have. Saturday was one of those days where I could have very easily felt like this. That morning I was full of dread, I am every Saturday morning. For one private reason that I’m not feeling comfortable sharing yet. But honest to god, as soon as that moment in time has passed, I go completely back to normal and continue to be my happy, smiley self. It a crazy feeling, and one that I shouldn’t feel. It almost feels like butterflies, and some kind of panic attack at the same time. My knees go weak but I also get extremely angry. It’s a feeling that I want to get myself out of as quickly as possible, and surprisingly, Saturday, I managed to. I knew that if I had carried on and done what my heart was telling me, I would’ve beaten myself up later on, which is why I had to go with my head and keep on going. I don’t regret my decision and I feel like it has helped me to over come something I was holding on to for so long.

I sometimes get angry over the smallest things that I shouldn’t ever get even remotely bothered by. This bugs me, it annoys me because I will then say something ill probably live to regret and make a complete fool out of myself because I’ve blown things out of proportion. not because I’m being immature about it, but because I don’t know how to react in those situations. I feel like I can’t just sit back and take it, or let it go, I feel like I have to get my word in. I struggle to stay quiet when I feel others are being unreasonable, which is only normal.. right? It’s that feeling when you know you’re right so you don’t listen to anyone else. Which annoys me when I’m over the situation, because I know that I should have just kept my mouth shut and just stayed quiet, that way there isn’t any arguments.

I still technically haven’t even finished college, I have to submit one more tiny bit of coursework and then I have to go in to get signed off, which then leaves me with having to have a kind of mini meeting with my tutor and then get my final grades and then I don’t have to return. Well not until I start my apprenticeship, but that wont be so full on and will actually allow me to work and have life outside of college. I’m actually beyond excited, but I don’t want to actually accept the fact that I’ll most likely never see most of the people there again. Strange feeling really.

I just cant wait for a new chapter and to actually start doing something with my life.

 

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