10/08/16

I think most of you reading this have been there, that place where you realise, just a little too late, that you feel something towards someone that they should’ve probably known about earlier.

A couple of months ago I wrote about a guy that I had gone on a few dates with, and although we have turned it in to a really good friendship, I cant help but not think about him. The reason I called off seeing him in a romantic way, isn’t such a burden to me now and I feel as if I have gotten over that hurdle. But ever since I have called it off, whatever he had felt for me had obviously simmered down and flourished in to nothing other than a good friendship. I haven’t seen anyone else since him, and neither has he but its just one of those things that happen, wrong place wrong time as they say.

I kind of wish I could start again with him, I mean at the start it was so happy and I thoroughly enjoyed his company, then we just didn’t see each other as much, the contact between us became sparse and although I was completely honest with him in the fact that I was still kind of stuck with these feelings I had for my ex-boyfriend, and I was unable to see past them at that point in time, which ultimately wasn’t fair on him to keep dating when I was still thinking about my ex, I do regret not staying in better contact with him. I mean, we would probably talk once a week at the very most,  if that. Which in a way, I needed, to help me clear my head from the thoughts I once felt towards someone else. But now looking back, I do regret not talking to him or seeing him as much, just because of now, when both of our feelings have differed since then.

Living on my own is at some times getting increasingly lonely, I don’t know many people around this area and all of my friends are at about a 30 minute drive away, with those people working mostly full time hours, its difficult to have a social life. Strangely, I also feel as if I have too much food in my house. I don’t have enough time of the day and never feel hungry enough to actually eat it, so it just ends up going off which upsets me because then I cant eat it. I guess that that is part of growing up, realising that things go out of date, that you actually have to go out to the shops to buy something if you fancy it or need it and it just wont magically appear in the cupboards or the fridge like it does at my parents’ house.

I have, after a fabulous year, finally quit my old job, and it feels like such a big weight off my shoulders, not more weekend commitments and no more turning up hungover to work, hiding out the back in the warehouse just to get away from the customers. Although I may have to work weekends milking at home, I will still be able to have that little bit more freedom to actually go out on nights out and can drink as much as I want without having to worry about going to work the next day, and that feels great.

I know I have posted a few personal and maybe too private blog posts on here before, but to talk about my feelings openly and actually admit to them makes me feel so weird. It rarely happens, and to be really honest I don’t usually feel. So I guess you could say that writing this has been strange, and posting it even crazier.

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