11/12/2016

What do you do when you have no idea what to do? I feel I’m just living my life, and not to the fullest, but how on earth don’t change that? 

Opportunity is something that is often found few and far between, especially an opportunity that  you’ve been longing for. I think that that is what I find difficult to come to terms with, is that when you wish for something so badly, more often than not it doesn’t succeed and come if anything. But I still have faith, still have hope and that’s what keeps me going, is that I can hope for something and whether or not it comes to be true, I still have that little bit inside that knows what I truly want. And if it doesn’t go the way that I want it, then it’s fate, it shouldn’t have happened and that’s the way it was planned out to be. 

But I can’t help but feel the upmost disappointment when something I wanted for so long doesn’t happen.. that’s probably what I’m feeling right now. I’m in a bit of a situation, and however much I wish and think about how great it would be if this situation were to turn out the way I planned it in my head, I know it won’t. 

That’s just what happens when you feel this amazing, positive feeling towards someone, with them feeling the same towards you but being in such a predicament that those feelings just need to be forgotten and lost in that moment in time, otherwise it could cause bigger problems than what it would if you forgot. I’m so desperate for this to turn out the way we hope, but it’s inevitable that it won’t, it’s pretty shit. 

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02/08/16

18/07/2016

Firstly, I should probably apologise for the lack of blog posts recently. With starting my new job, moving out of the family home turning 18 and a whole array of other things, I just haven’t had time to write. I also had no Wi-Fi until this morning.

I don’t even know where to start in explaining what has gone on in my life since the last time I blogged. I turned 18 on the 2nd of July, and despite the massive hype, then let down, that most people have, I can say that it does actually kind of live up to its reputation. There was the hype, then the disappointment of feeling exactly the same as you were yesterday. I had a great day, I was spoiled by my family, surrounded by friends and most importantly alcohol. I had a small party filled with my closest of friends and family and I felt so loved by everyone, you never really realise how many good friends you have and how important that they are to you until you have everyone that matters to you in a room together.

My new job, I started the Monday after my 18th, and I can actually say that I feel moved in to my new place. It’s so strange to be living on my own though. I feel like I’m getting used to the early mornings and although struggling to cope with the long days, it’s just something that I am going to have to get used to slowly. I have almost no time to see friends, I only see my family on the weekends for a short period of time and no one quite understands that I don’t actually have the time of day to answer texts, and actually have a decent conversation with someone. But I am getting used to that, and my friends are quite understanding, they know I’m busy and usually don’t finish till late. so replies are slow, especially if it is an in-depth conversation where I actually have to think about what I’m saying.

But all in all, my new job is going well. I’m enjoying it. I feel like I’m just getting the hang of the milking routine. this morning was a good milking, I was always busy and finding things to do, which I guess I should have been doing last week but now I know what needs to be done, and I am getting the gist of when to take the clusters off and what follows after. Every day is a new day here, there’s always something different to do, apart from milking the cows, that’s the same.

What else has happened? I can’t even remember myself!

 

So this blog was meant to go up on the 18th of July, but I’ve only just turned my laptop on to finish it.. oops. Either way, not much has changed in my life. I guess something i could write about is how I feel as if I have ‘gotten over’ my ex boyfriend. The one that has been mentioned so much in my older blogs. I no longer feel that want to talk to him, or to see him. I think a big part of this fairly large step up in my life was down to the fact that I just stopped talking to him, I stopped seeing him and didn’t text him anymore, and can I just say it feels great not to be thinking about him 24/7, I’m not tied down by my feelings anymore and I guess you could say I’m free from that trap I was caught in. I’ve moved on and started a new, great chapter in my life.

I also have quit my old job since I last blogged, I handed in my letter giving 4 weeks notice, it being my last day on the 7th of August. I m going to be so so sad to finally leave, not being able to have all the banter that we do on the weekends. But I think I’m going to be so much happier because of it, I will finally be able to have a lie in and will have my first proper day off in a few months. I’m so excited. I could get quite emotional thinking about leaving, moving on from there and rarely seeing some of my really good friends again. The people I have worked with over the past year in there are honestly some of the kindest, greatest colleagues around, with some of the best regular customers that I will truly miss seeing on a weekly basis. I have had so many memories there, and so many that I will remember to be some of the best.

 

 

14/06/16

It is so mind-boggling that life can change so quickly, that one day you could be feeling like the world is grey and dull, like no one is on your team and as if the world is about to come crashing down. Then the next day you feel warm and full on enthusiasm and joyousness. It totally and utterly glorious, and possibly the greatest amounts of feeling that any one person could have. Continue reading

28/05/16

4:36am, I’m still not sleeping right. But that’s okay, I’m just up a little before I need to be right? Positive thinking?

After this trial day I had at the potential new job which was mentioned in a previous post, I’ve thought a lot about if it was the right track for me. I feel like I wouldn’t be happier there. It would give me the chance to learn how to be independent and live by myself, also gain the much needed experience and learn about the job sector which is ultimately what I want to do. It’s just like taking smaller steps in to the world. I like that idea. 

The thought of moving away from home is really exciting me, I honestly can’t think of anything if want to do more. To have a place I can kind of call my own and do what I want with, but have the safety and security that I’ll probably go back home to family every weekend. 

I’m so positive at the moment, it’s actually great. I think that’s probably down to how I’ve been keeping myself constantly busy. I’ve been doing work overtime and keeping my mind off all things that could get me down. So I don’t actually have that time to think, even though some days it does creep in to my head when I’m sleeping and I have the worst nightmare. Which I can deal with at the moment, it’s not effecting me badly like it used to and I know that it really is just a dream.

In the end, you realise so much about how important positivity and happiness are. If you’re not feeling like it then every little negativity starts to destroy you, break you in to little pieces and make you feel like you will never recover. That feeling is honestly the worst. 

Fingers crossed about this potential job, and positivity. I can’t wait for a new chapter in my life.